Most of my clients talk to their friends about their dating lives, and usually their friends want to help, so they give their advice. I hear a lot of “my friend said” from my clients when I coach, and usually I ask them a little bit about said friends love life, and if that is something that feels inspiring or relatable to my client. Usually it is not.
So what I hear, if I exaggerate a little bit, are things like:
“My friend who only dates bad guys who don’t treat her well told me…”
“My friend who’s been with his partner for 10 years said…”
“My friend who’s never had a dating problem in her life said that…”
No matter how much you love these friends, is it wise to take their advice? Can they help you?
The friend who only dates bad guys is obviously an expert in how to get treated badly, is that something that you want to learn? The friend who hasn’t dated in 10 years, how relevant is his advice? And the friend who’s always dating with ease, can she even understand and appreciate your situation? Or is it like giving expert advice to a beginner? If you’re struggling with walking, advanced running techniques are probably not what you need.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t talk or listen to your friends, I’m just making you aware of the fact that you may have very different points of view, and you need to take that into account.
Having an opinion is very easy, but giving helpful advice is something completely different.