How you feel about your looks is more about how you feel than how you look.

When talking about dating, attraction and flirting, one thing that comes up a lot is the topic of looks.

Will it help to look good? Well, this question is more complicated than it seems. Because “looking good” is a very abstract concept, and depends on who you ask. I’m not gonna talk about the eye of the beholder, rather, I want to point to the fact that looking good and thinking that you look good are two different things, and make a world of difference.

There are many objectively amazingly beautiful people who hate their looks and suffer immensely because they feel uncomfortable in their own skin. Even if other people adore their good looks, they still don’t like themselves, and that is a horrible feeling.

As I write in the title, how you feel about your looks has a lot more to do with how you feel than how you look. Liking the way you look has much more to do with how you look at, and think about, yourself, than your actual looks. It’s very strange that we seem to think that the best way to liking ourselves is through self-hatred, mistreatment and punishment. That that will somehow lead to a change that we will approve of. But what really needs to change is the disapproval. Self-hate cannot lead to self-love.

If you can’t appreciate your self, it doesn’t matter how you look.  And when you can, it doesn’t matter either. Appreciation is the key, not good looks.

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Start by looking yourself and others in the eyes! People are not chunks of meat, we are human beings and way too interesting and complex to be reduced to a pair of thighs or a butt. We have souls, dreams, hopes, fears, wounds, longings and deep emotions. But we can’t see that in ourselves, or in each other, when we are busy comparing or obsessing about body parts.

Start seeing yourself and other people as whole and complete persons. Explore who you and they really are, and see what happens. Your appreciation for others and yourself will grow.  The beauty you will see in people will affect how you perceive them physically, and the same is true for you. You will start to connect with people for real, beyond looks and appearances. You will start to see the real beauty, and feel your own.

The reason that you can see and feel all of this beauty is because you have a body. That is the purpose of your body. To experience life, beauty and connection from the inside of it, not to judge the outside of it. 

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