It’s probably just me, but…

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Pretty much every person that I meet in a coaching session start telling their story by explaining how they are probably very different and unusual for having their problems. I find this very interesting.

We all seem to share so much, but without realizing it, and it makes me sad. Because for me as a coach it becomes very clear how much we have in common, but also how we think that we are alone…

The specifics differ, but the emotions are so similar. We all have our own unique insecurities, backstories and fears, but if we only shared them with each other the shame and feelings of being different or weird would disappear.

One of the things that I say the most often when I coach is “I hear this all the time”. Or “I recognize what you’re saying, from my own life and from other clients.” And “It’s not just you”. Because it’s never just you.

Feeling stuck in the single zone, not being confident enough to flirt, or not even knowing how to flirt, it’s so very common. And it’s pretty easy to change – if we speak up about it and realize that it’s a learnable social skill like any other.

There is nothing wrong with you, you’re just doing something that’s not working the way you want it to. Millions of others experience the same thing in their love lives, and it’s no wonder! No one teaches us how to flirt well or create working and fulfilling relationships. Some people have good role models, are naturally outgoing and flirty or simply lucky, but what about the rest of us? Well, we learn what we need to know and practice it until it works.

I know it may seem unfair, but another pattern that I see very clearly is that my clients simply have their strengths somewhere else. They are usually very skilled and successful in another life domain, like work, sports or friendship. Things that they usually take for granted and are totally unaware makes others jealous of them…

Another reason for lack of flirting skills or experience is that life has simply been hard. A lot of people spend their childhood, teenage years and/or young adulthood struggling with family problems, bullying, sickness and other hardships that put the focus on flirting a bit further down on the priority list, or even makes it impossible for them to try… They are simply busy surviving. But it’s never too late. You are an adult now, and you are no longer the person you used to be or restricted by others. If you want it to go out and get it, the world is yours.

And I’m glad to help you.

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