Say no, and create a new normal.

I talk to so many people who are settling with all kinds of things in life. Men, work, friends, things, experiences. And I see a pattern where we settle because we don’t know that more is possible. Or we don’t think it’s possible for us.

There is nothing strange about settling for the best thing you know, but I implore you to go beyond that. You don’t know everything that exists, do you? The best thing that you know is not the same as the best thing that is available.

So much more is available, and you know by your intuitive feeling of wanting more, even if your mind says it’s impossible. It’s not. There is so much more out there waiting for you, and the fact that you have not yet experienced it doesn’t actually mean anything.

But before you can get a hold of that you have to start saying no to the things that are already familiar, but not satisfying.

You can’t fill up your life with what you want when it is already full of things you don’t want.

You must create space. You must say no.

I know, this is a tough one for many of us. Saying no to everything that’s familiar and, let’s admit it, pretty ok, for the idea and hope, of  something better. That’s a big shift, that requires a lot of trust.

But really, what’s the option here? Are you gonna half-ass your entire life and not even take the chance of getting what you truly want? Are you gonna keep spending your time with people who don’t understand you, support you or share your dreams?

I decided I wasn’t willing to do that, so I let go. Of pretty much everything. For a long time I spent most of my time alone, at home or in the woods. I said no to friendships that didn’t feel right. I said goodbye to many of the things that I owned. I said no to job offers I didn’t want. And most importantly, I stopped even thinking about dating people “just in case they might be better than they seem”, when what I really wanted was to be swept off my feet.

I’m going to leave you with a little spoiler:
When you do this, at fist you will feel calm. So much crap and drama is suddenly gone. Ahhh.
Then it will feel empty.
And then you will find that new people, opportunities and dreams start coming into your life. That will feel great. But before that it will feel empty.

But you are not alone. Your life is not empty.
Your life is full: full of space for your dreams to come in. Full of space for better dates. Full of space for new friend that really get you. Full of space for real intimacy.

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