As a coach I get to listen to a lot of people sharing their innermost secrets about a lot of things. It is one of the things I am the most grateful for with my job, because it gives me so much perspective. It quickly became very clear to me that even though we practically live in the same world, we don’t perceive it in the same way. At all.
Instead we base our idea of the so called reality on our very personal experiences. It makes sense actually, if something happened in a certain way the first ten times around, it’s reasonable to expect it will keep happening. But just because something happened in the past doesn’t mean it will in the present, or in the future. Things can and do change.
A curious thing is that for someone else another thing happens every time in that same situation. Same situation, different outcome. (Practical example: Everyone I date just want to be my friend vs Everyone I date just want to sleep with me).
Every single one of my clients come to me with a very firm idea of how things are – it’s just that they all say different things and contradict each other! We all have very different ideas of how the world works, even though we live in the same world. Obviously our “maps” of the world are very subjective.
This means that when someone tells you something about men, women, dating, attraction, love, relationships or life in general, they are sharing their version of it. They share the conclusion they made from their very personal experiences. They probably won’t present it like that, but rather as a straight fact, but be aware and careful about who you listen to, and where their information is coming from.
And as a bonus, this also goes for your own thoughts! They are also very likely to sound like truths, but are very biased from your experiences and expectations, and not necessarily objective truths.
That is why I always give my coaching clients practical assignments where I challenge them to do things i new ways. Because if we base our knowledge of the world on our experiences, new experiences will change how we see the world, which in turn, will make us behave differently and create new experiences. Tadaa!