Small talk or magic? You decide!

Considering how strongly your idea of the world is shaped by your first years in life, isn’t it a bit strange to think that we all exist in the same physical reality but percieve it in completely different ways?

Some grow up in a loving environment and learned that the world is a safe and wondrous place. That there is always room for trying new things, cause it’s no big deal to fail. That other people are trustworthy and that everything is going to be alright.

Others grow up in a place, family or situation that taught them hold back. Always put other peoples needs before their own to not get abandoned, left out or have bad other things happen to them. Being yourself is unsafe and expressing needs makes others uncomfortable.

And some grew up learning to fight for themselves. Not necessarily in an empowered and confident way but rather because they belive that other people won’t be there for them. If you can’t trust that people will or can help you, you have no choice but to take care of yourself and make sure you get what you need…

Certain people find love, friendship and social situations the easiest things in the world, but might on the other hand doubt their ability to get the dream job, the raise or start a business. Others are the exact opposite and feel very secure in their abilty to create any kind of empire but constantly doubt them selves in social settings and feel unlikeable or unloveable.

We all have our very personal ideas, beliefs and assumptions about how life works, and they can be in stark contrast with each other. However, even though we live in our own unique little worlds, we still have to find some way to  connect, relate and coexist with each other. But how?


If we want to have a chance to meet each other in a true and authentic way I think we first need to understand our underlying views on life and ourselves. Your view on the world will inform your choices, thoughts, actions and decisions, regardless of if you’re aware of it or not.

But it’s only when you became aware of these things that you have the possibility to make your own choices and consciously decide weather or not your old views still hold true. And that’s when really exciting things start to happen! Both in the relationship you have with life and in the relationship you have with other people.

How well you know yourself will, among other things, decide how well other people can get to know you. If you don’t know who you are or how your inner world works, it’s a bit much to ask that someone else should to know you and understand you, isn’t it?

When you’ve familiarized yourself with your unconscious ideas of the world it will get much easier to understand others. You wont have to wonder why they behave the way they do, overanalyze their actions or take it personally when they do something weird. Because you understand that they, too, are driven by their inner assumptions of the world, their fears and their ideas about other people. It usually doesn’t have much to do with you.


The more you learn about your own inner world, the more curious you will be about the inner worlds of other people. Instead of talking about outer circumstances like where they live or work, you’ll be curious about what is going on inside them.

How are they shaped by their experiences? What are they feeling in this exact moment? What are they dreaming about? Struggling with?

And you’ll most likely start feeling inspired to share what is alive, true and important for you with other people to a bigger extent. Now that you know, doesn’t it make sense to share it?

When this is what your dates, meetings and relationships consist of, something really cool will start to happen! You’ll actually be able to connect with each other for real! Then, and only then, will you have the chance to really see, experience and understand each other. That is when it *clicks*, and when the magic happens.

Unfortunately most people have no idea about this but are stuck in a completely different social norm. One that keeps us in the shallow end of connection and consists mostly of small talk, prestige and superficial stuff. It never gets personal och intimate, but rather creates a distance between people. Still, that’s where we tend to end up, so we miss out on the magic.

The good news is that you get to choose exactly what you talk to people about! Isn’t that just awesome?

In no way are you required to follow the stiff norm and do the polite fact exchange with people you meet! In fact, it will give you social superpowers if you don’t! The very norm of small talks makes a lot of people really long for real things and be truly seen. So be the person that lets them do that!

It will give you work advantages, deepen your friendships, make your life more truthful and last but not least make your dates feel more alive and interesting!

Give it a try!

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