I got asked the other day what the most common problem is that I encounter with my clients.
I answered the fear of rejection. It is something so incredibly human and universal. Of course no one wants to feel rejected, it’s a horrible feeling. But being rejected and feeling rejected is actually not the same thing.
How we feel isn’t always a true reflection of what is happening. Rather it’s a reflection of what’s going on inside of us. A lot of people have such a fear of rejection that it becomes the only thing they can see and think about. They interpret everything they see as a sign of rejection or a risk of rejection.
Being desired and feeling desired isn’t the same thing either. If you can’t receive the desire someone has for you, it’s possible that you’ll make up all kinds of excuses for their behavior. “They’re just saying that to be nice, or to manipulate me” or “they’ll change their mind when they realize who I really am”.
We don’t see the world as it is, so we don’t calculate the risks in a realistic way. We need to learn the difference between our own fears and the actual situation.
Because, sure, there is a risk. I’ll happily admit that.
Opening your heart, letting people come close and having intimate relationships requires courage and vulnerability. That is a fact, there is no way around that. And it is a risk that all of us have to take.
But really, what are our options? Is it less terrifying to close your heart, don’t let people close and never have intimate relationships?
I think most people would agree that that would be the scariest thing of all.
So really, the only thing that is worse than taking the risk is not taking it.
The benefits are huge.
Open your heart.